In My Hand
by BlackAngel1
Summary: He was in an accident that left him blind and deaf...through self-lothing can he find a little light?


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from GW .  
  
_word_ = italics/thoughts  
  
In My Hand  
  
I don't know exactly what happened. Some kind of explosion in the cockpit of Sandrock. Whatever happened, it left me blind and deaf; not to mention paralyzed from the waist down. I had to check every morning to remind myself that I still had legs. They'd just never be good for anything again. I can't tell where I am, well, that's a little wrong. I could smell where I was, a hospital. I've always hated the smell of hospitals. To me all I could smell was the dead or dying.  
  
I don't know what hospital I'm in though, or its location. Was I on Earth? One of the colonies perhaps? Was I among friends or strangers? If they were strangers did my friends know I was alive? What good was I now to the Gundam pilots? I was completely useless. If I was among strangers it was better. At least then, maybe, just maybe they'd think I died in battle. In a blaze of glory like a pilot was supposed to. Not stuck in a damned wheelchair and unable to communicate with anyone.  
  
Did the people around me know who I was? Did they know I was a Gundam pilot? Did they know that I was one of the most wanted men on the face of the planet and on the colonies? God, I felt pathetic and very, very alone. My brain told me it was for the better, but my heart kept reminding me how much I missed them. Missed.him. I needed his arms around me one last time, at least to say goodbye.  
  
My lover.God, I was paralyzed. What good was I in a relationship? I couldn't see him; I'd never hear his voice. I wouldn't even be able to tell if it was him or not!  
  
We'd never make love; I was confined to a stupid chair! I could never tell him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him, in his arms forever. I could never hear his voice whispering to me in the night, waking me from another God awful nightmare that made me relive my life with the horrid Zero System and my best friend. I'd never see his smile again, or the brightness of his violet eyes when he was about to cause mischief.  
  
I'd never again get to watch him battle, as if he really where the real God of Death. I'd never hear another joke of his over the COM system as his scythe slashed through the enemy suits. Or hear him tell Heero and Trowa to lighten up a bit and smile more often. And I can't forget about that stick up Wufei's ass.  
  
My friends.I think I'd even miss Heero's tapping on his laptop. I'd miss all the small things I noticed. Like how the corner of your mouth would twitch whenever we had pancakes for breakfast. I know that they're your favourite food Heero, that's why we have the so often despite anyone's complaining. Who will you talk to now, on nights that you cannot fall asleep for fear of dreams? Will you try and talk to Duo? I hope you will Hee-chan. You are his best friend.  
  
Best friend.what about my best friend? I will never again hear your voice. You speak so little that I never wanted to miss your words. Now I'll never hear them again. What about our duets? Will you still play the flute if I'm not there to accompany you? My dear friend Trowa, there is one good thing to come from this. I will never have to watch as Catherine throws knives at you.  
  
Wufei.you're always the outcast aren't you? Well, not anymore my friend. You are wise and a wonderful person, they others might need you for leadership and maybe a justice rant or two. You are only too worthy to pilot Nataku and I hope you understand that.  
  
It's funny you know. I even miss Sandrock. Isn't that where this all began? I'm curious, almost worried. Is Sandrock still in one piece? Did Oz find him? Will they find a replacement to pilot him?  
  
My useless, unseeing eyes burn with the thought of tears. The thought of being replaced hurt. Just like I was easily replaced in my own family.well, thought I was. The thought of my friends hurt. I felt, sensed that they weren't even close by. I was completely alone. Doomed to a world of silence and darkness for the rest of my life. Maybe I'd fall down a set of stairs and break my neck. I'd suppose I'd kind of be in flight.  
  
A tear escapes my eye as I think of death. It slowly rolls down my cheek. I don't bother wiping it away, I can't find the energy. But another reason I don't wipe it away is because I can feel it. I can't feel anything else. My entire life is dark but I can still feel the tear and it brings me some hope. I can feel something, which I cannot, and never will see.  
  
Suddenly, something touched my face, wiping the tear away. I jumped, startled and angry by the sudden contact. But the anger melted away immediately. It had been a friendly touch, a gesture of help. I hadn't been touched like that, friendly, for so long. I wanted to ask, needed to know suddenly, who was there.  
  
A smell invaded my nose. It was a familiar smell and it made my heart ache knowing it wasn't what I wanted it to be. But then again, not everyone could smell like Herbal Essence shampoo, fresh baked bread and diesel fuel all at the same time and have it actually smell _good_.  
  
I closed my eyes, as useless as they were, trying to stop thinking the impossible, that this was him, maybe even them. No, they wouldn't come looking for me. There was a war raging on around everyone, whether I could hear it or not. They wouldn't waist their time on one insignificant life. And with that thought I turn my head away from whoever it was.  
  
The person suddenly took my hands, locking their fingers with mine. I was shocked, the feel of their hands was the same as.his hands. Same texture, same warmth. There were calluses and his skin was slightly rough, but at the same time he was gentle and hesitant. Oh Allah, how I wanted it to be true.  
  
Tears cascaded down my cheeks before I could make them stop. This time nobody wiped them away, the hands never left mind for a long time. I can't tell you how long I sat there holding this stranger's hands. My heart kept telling me that it wasn't a stranger, that it was my lover.my life. But I couldn't believe it. How could they be wasting their time?  
  
One of the hands did move and they took my arm with it. My hand and arm was moved until my fingertips brushed up against something. Once I was able to wrap my entire hand around it I realized that it was knotted and it felt like hair. It was like silk on my fingers, which had not touched anything, but rough cotton for who knows how long. I followed the silky hair and realized how long it was, braided from top to bottom. It was very familiar.  
  
I know the confusion was showing on my face. It had to be there because I was so terribly confused I thought I was going to explode. My hand was taken and held palm up, a gentle finger slowly caressed my palm, tickling me. I could feel my fingers twitch every few minutes but I didn't pull away. I couldn't, nor did I want to. I concentrated on the feeling and began to make patterns in the moves.  
  
Suddenly, as if a light had been turned on in my dark world realization dawned on me. They weren't caressing my hand, they were spelling, a letter at a time! I had to wait until the word started over again, though I didn't have to wait long. The word was restarted and I smiled when it was finished. Through my tears I smiled. And I didn't have to see him to know that he was smiling as well. It was him! He had spelled his name in the palm of my hand! He had come to find me! He was the light in my dark night. He was mine. Better than that. I was his.  
  
The fingers moved gently one more time into the same way as before. "D-U-O" was spelled and then a kiss was gently laid in the middle of my palm and on the tip of each finger. With that done the finger began to move one more time. This time writing three more letters, rather numbers that made my heart flutter and a blush creep into my probably pale cheeks.  
  
"8-3-1"  
  
  
  
There is a sequel to this that explains 8-3-1.  
  
Dija like it? Review please!! 


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